Stripper Jobs Getting Automated

January 13, 2018 | News | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

I haven’t had the urge to jam my manhood into an ATM with legs until 2018’s annual CES event recently decided to raise the bar. Stripper robots are no longer stuck within the confines of weird porn coming from Japan and they may be debuting sooner than you think. They aren’t smart or useful outside […]

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Overweight Instagram Models Are People Too

January 12, 2018 | News | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Body positivity is feel good code word for the demographic of amorphous individuals that subsidize Planet Fitness’ low monthly fees. It feels like you lose 10 pounds every time you tell people you have a gym membership even though you never actually go. Body positive balloon woman Melissa Gibson had to defend herself from the […]

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Slender Man Movie Insensitive To Slain Teen

January 9, 2018 | News | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

I believe when the horror genre makes the public aware that a film is based on a true story it sells more tickets. Authenticity is always king at the box office. And the possibility of a situation like The Strangers movie happening in real life made the studio enough money to get the green-light for […]

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WWTDD Fan Of The Week: @Tim_lul

January 8, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Welcome to WWTDD Fan Of The Week. We have the best fans on the Internet, and if you don’t believe us, why don’t you go ahead and talk to our over two thousand Twitter followers. One of these superfans is a Mr. Tim_lul, who took time away from jacking off onto a keyboard at his […]

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Meghan Markle Princess Michael Racist Brooch-Gate 2017

December 22, 2017 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

People are bracing for Markle to be outraged by Michael’s brooch, but judging by Michael’s face, she’s one-hundred-and-four-years-old, and probably won’t be attending next year’s lunch. Now that Markle is on her way to becoming a Royal she’s going to have to get used to keeping her opinions to herself and living like a braindead Stepford Wife.

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Sarah Palin – I Can See My Son’s Reckless Assault From My House

December 18, 2017 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Sarah Palin could be living off of polar bear flesh on an ice floe somewhere and no one would know or care, so she should be thankful that her son is basically Maury Povich or Dr. Phil’s wet dream and still doing the family name proud by nabbing headlines. He probably said “Catch me ousside” before going apeshit.

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Super Size Me Guy Super Size Fame Ho Rape Confession

December 14, 2017 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Three thousand years ago a guy named Morgan Spurlock released the documentary Super Size Me, in which he ate McDonald’s for a month straight and gained weight. Kelly Clarkson does the same thing and she doesn’t get notoriety for it, but Spurlock was making a point about how corporate greed or whatever is killing anyone stupid enough to eat McDonald’s exclusively for an entire month. Unfortunately it didn’t kill Spurlock, and thanks to a new self-published stunt ho confession, we know that years after the height if his what we’ll call fame, Spurlock ordered up a side of sexual misconduct, and is now taking a bite out of the #MeToo movement by setting an example for all male assailants. He also banged a crying girl in college apparently. I’m sure the fact that this is a great way to remind people that he’s still alive in no way factors into Spurlock’s decision to brand himself the most standup molester around.

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Open Post: August Ames Dead Pornstar Homophobe Or Dead Pornstar Feminist?

December 7, 2017 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

August Ames is a pornstar who was alive up until yesterday – when she reportedly hung herself after getting into a Twitter brawl over her comments construed as either homophobic or #MeToo-worthy empowering depending on which side you dress on. The impetus for the twenty-three-year-old’s suicide is mostly being pinned on the backlash against a tweet, and not on that fact that she’s a pornstar open about her battle with depression. Nothing says Stable Mable like getting forty-five plastic surgery procedures in between being fucked for money. Comments, Bella Thorne?

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Lena Dunham: And I Helped!

December 7, 2017 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Lena Dunham is the equivalent of that little attention whore in the Shake ‘n Bake commercial swooping in at the last minute to take credit for something gross in the new piece from the New York Times. The spokesperson for straight women, straight men, gay women, gay men, black people, Latinos, anyone under thirty-five, anyone over thirty-five, birds, bees, frogs, oranges, and staplers, but not rape victims, claims to have warned Clinton’s campaign peeps of Weinstein’s reputation as the double-stuffed Don Juan of Hollywood hotel rooms. 

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Bryan Singer Fired, Suffers Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

December 5, 2017 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Kevin Spacey’s real-life BFF and the worst chaperone ever, Bryan Singer, is famous for a lot of things – mainly allegedly drugging and defiling teen boys in the 90’s – but now he’s back in the news for being an entitled and as of yesterday jobless little bitch. Singer has been relieved of his duties directing the Freddie Mercury biopic Bohemian Rhapsody after a deluge of reports of unprofessional on-set behavior and just plain not showing up to work. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Singer was absent from the set for up to ten days at a time. The continuous disruptions caused a riff between Singer and Mercury-portrayer Rami Malek, leading to Singer throwing an object at Malek. Who thankfully is four feet tall and a very difficult target.

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