Open Post: Kardashians Recreate Intro Ten Years Later, And How Is Kris Jenner Not In Jail?

If turning your kids into an army of factory reject Bratz Dolls - with the exception of one spherical psychopath with an affinity for A-list sex worker Blac Chyna - isn't child abuse, the laws need a tune-up. The difference between the original intro to Keeping Up With... read more

The Revenge Of Crystal

Crystal Workman whored out her daughter Ariel Winter when she was a child, and is now shocked and dismayed that her child turned out to be a whore. Crystal might not be very smart. Surprising for someone named Crystal. Winter recently elaborated on her emancipation from... read more

Katy Perry Seductress For Cheap Ugly Shoes

Former pop starlet Katy Petty poses in a hilarious and irreverent new ad campaign featuring half-assed retro stylings and a big bear for her crappy shoe collection. Perry delivers a come-hither face that can't compete with the rest of her appearance, which screams washed... read more

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Female George Clooney Cries Four Times A Day

George Clooney has proudly come out as a biological female after proclaiming that he cries four times a day over the pressures of motherhood. What does having a vagina feel like George? The fifty-six-year-old actor and thirty-nine-year-old Amal Clooney mashed fluids to... read more

Olivia Munn Paid Her Way Into Ocean's Eight Cameo

Olivia Munn has always seemed like someone who keeps it real, and nothing is more real than admitting that you paid for your own cameo appearance in a movie. Like when actresses admit to buying their own red carpet dresses. And are then banished to live under a viaduct... read more

Standing Desks Kill People, New Report Says

If your name is Barbara from accounts receivable, you dabble with morbid obesity but you drink Diet now so it's all good, and you plan on dying self-impaled on a plastic ficus in your cubicle surrounded by NCIS paraphernalia, you probably love a good standing desk. If... read more

Crappy Store Files For Bankruptcy

I start to feel bad for the fate of doomed brick and mortar stores right up until the point when a sales associate at Lowe's tells me that he doesn't think they carry wire. In a time when Amazon will deliver a dental dam to your front door within one hour and then take... read more

Britney Spears Solo Kohl's Fashion Show At Home

Britney Spears might not be invited to mingle with the who's who of drug addicts at fashion week events happening around the world, but that isn't stopping her from putting on a manic dead-eyed fashion show of her own on Instagram. In a new video, the lip syncing... read more

Lady Gaga Gets Touched

Former pop star Lady Gaga is still hoing out her Netflix documentary, Gaga: Five Foot Two, with a sense of self-importance that should be reserved for whoever cures cancer or Lena Dunham when she finally learns what to wear for her body type. A fumigation tarp. Younger... read more

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Kim Kardashian On Nudity: "I Don’t Know What The Age Cutoff Is"

Kim Kardashian's fake Paris robbery is at the center of her new spread for Allure Magazine, where she also opens up about being insanely in shape and not knowing when the world is tired of seeing her tits. When did her sex tape come out? Then. Kardashian also saddles her... read more

Remember Miranda Cosgrove? This Is Her Now. Feel Old Yet?

Kylie Jenner has answered your burning question "What would a handicapped baby between Miranda Cosgrove and Lisa Rinna look like?" with a bold new look she debuted while strolling around town. The reality starlet is known for playing fast and loose with her face, but... read more

Ariel Winter Sexualized By Mother At Twelve

Anyone familiar with Ariel Winter might not be shocked to find out that she didn't have an exemplary female presence around the house while growing up. Little clues such as the fact that she dresses like a prostitute could tip you off. Winter called it quits with her mom... read more